Fear of the unknown

Farmboy, what was going on the other night? I've been concerned ever since we talked that night.


Yeah, well, man, I'm so fuckin' sorry about that. I don't like when I involve people in my problems, in this mental illness shit.


You don't need to apologize, farmboy. I was just concerned, is all.


I was panicking and I was angry and frustrated and fuckin' scared, man. I was all fuckin' messed up. And I should just maybe accept that sometimes that's gonna happen. Plus I was dealing with technology, computer stuff, and I was miserably frustrated because I have problems with that kind of thing. I don't know why.


But I gotta tell you, I've been succeeding lately at technology...well, the last couple days, anyway. I hooked up the printer and it works! And I uploaded my first video-thingy on YouTube. I mean, it's just a picture of yours truly -- the main thing is the audio, which is one of my songs.


That's great, farmboy! I'm proud of you.


Thanks, man. I gotta do this stuff. I gotta get moving. I gotta -- what's that word? -- challenge myself. And today's challenge was YouTube. And I gotta remember to give myself credit for at least trying, for at least making an action.


Thing is, man, I want to make actions. Even if I'm scared, fuck, man, there's life out there, and I'm so afraid of not experiencing it because of fear of the unknown, you know?


You're experiencing a lot of that lately.


I know, man. But I gotta learn to deal with it. I gotta, man. I gotta succeed this time.