Pressure cooker

I'm depressed. I'm scared. I'm confused. I'm angry. My thoughts are all over the fuckin' place and I don't know what to do. If I had some weed I'd smoke it, but I don't, and I don't want to have to self-medicate every time something goes wrong. You know what I miss, man?


I don't have a clue, farmboy. What do you miss?


I miss being having parents. I miss my mom and dad. (starts crying)  Fuck.


It's okay, farmboy. It's all going to be okay.


(wipes eyes)  Shit. I hate crying, and I really hate crying in front of people. It's just that it gets to the point where I'm like a pressure cooker that's been on the fire too long, and I'm gonna explode any minute. And nothing's helping. All the positive thinking, all the deep breathing, nothing.


And I know, I know that it will end and that things will kinda maybe be okay, but fuck, man...I ain't having a good day, man.


I know. Just settle down...


I'm trying, man.


I know. You are trying. Your life's been hard lately. You're off for the summer without a job and you're scared about money. You've been sick with a bronchial infection and it's been a long time. Your sleep has been extremely uneven, and you've been isolated quite a bit.


No wonder I'm so fuckin' depressed.


No shit.


No shit? You never talk that way. I cuss enough for the both of us. And then some.


Look at it, farmboy. You're depressed. I know you probably don't believe me, but life is going to turn around. Hopefully it'll be this summer.


Hopefully. We'll see. In the meantime, what do I do with myself?


Just settle down. Read a good book. Play guitar. Write a song. Listen to music or one of those podcasts. Watch a movie on Netflix. Meditate.


Medicate?


Meditate, farmboy. You need to relax. All this stress isn't helping your illness to go away.


I know. I'm just sick of myself. Maybe I do need to read, or watch a movie. There's gotta be something I can listen to. But I gotta get out of myself. Maybe I'll go lie down and listen to something and fall asleep.


Check in with me this weekend, farmboy. I'd like to know how you're doing.


Will do, man. Chances are I'll be whining away, as usual.


Stop that, farmboy.


What?


Stop that. You're depressed. It's okay. You're in pain. I'm not sure that I'd call it whining.


Yeah, well, I still feel like I'm whining all the time. But I am in pain. I'm gonna try to give it a rest. Thanks for your help, man. I'll check in this weekend. Hopefully things will be going better, at least somewhat. I'm hoping, man.