Never too close

Hey, look! It's the hero of our story! How are you?

Well, I'm not a hero, let's get that straight. I think you call me things like that just to fuckin' irritate me.

Yeah, it's so hard for you to hear good things about yourself. I've thought about that. I bet it makes you crazy. Or fuckin' crazy, as you would say.

Yeah, I'm cursing more and more lately. What about it, you fuckin' douche bag? (laughs)

Glad I can amuse you. Funny guy. So does it make you crazy when I say good things about you?

Uhhh, yeah, Yes it does. I almost can't take it and I'm not sure why.

Well, learn how to take it, man. Because I ain't stopping.

Hey, in local news, I wrote a workable first draft of a new song today. I'm not sure what I think about it, though. I'll have to play around with it.

What's the title?

"Never Too Close." It's about the necessity to kinda cut yourself off from people in order to survive.

Sounds cheerful enough.

It's got kinda a cheery melody.

I have been meaning to ask about people in your life. You got emotional issues, you got songwriting. You got music everywhere, which is a great thing. But you never talk about friends or lovers or if you have a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend or whatever, I don't care. You talk about famous musicians, but do you have friends? Are you close to anybody?

Stop it.

No. Do you have anybody? Even just a friend anywhere?

I got friends. I gotta keep them at arms length, though. You can't get too close. I have no romantic interests. And if I did, I tell you, I wouldn't go there. No fuckin' way, dude. I gotta be safe. And I gotta prevent anybody from being subjected to the disease called me.

That's the saddest thing I've ever heard you say.

Sadder than "waste of skin"?

Fuck you.

(stunned) Wait, I'm supposed to say stuff like that. That's my line.

I'm just wasting your time and my time. Let's call this off. I've got better ways to spend my time.

Here, I'll stop. I'll behave.

I don't want you to behave. You're not a child and I'm not a parent or your therapist or your priest. I'm not an authority figure.

(silence)

See you around.

(starts to cry) C'mon, don't leave me. I'm sorry. You get me used to talkin' to somebody, like you're my friend, and...

C'mon, motherfucker, be my friend. C'mon, man, don'i leave.

God damn it, I keep fuckin' things up. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

(smiles) Scared you, huh?

Motherfuckin' son of a bitch. Fuckin' asshole. You got me fuckin' cryin' in front of you.

It's okay to cry.

Leave me the fuck alone!

You were scared.

No I wasn't.

You don't want to be alone sometimes.

Leave me the fuck alone, you fuckin' dickwad.

Hey, see you tomorrow?

Leave me alone.