Art out of feeling guilty

I feel bad.

Why, farmboy?

Because I didn't feel well when I woke up from a nap. So I told them -- or, actually, my brother-- that my stomach hurt and would it be okay if I came over tomorrow instead. And he said yes and that he would call me if he sensed that his wife felt disappointed and I would go over. And I feel like a chump because of what I said yesterday, offering to go over, and here I am, cancelling going over.

Uh, was your stomach really hurting?

Yeah...

So you told the truth.

Um, yeah. I really didn't feel well 'cause I think I slept in an uncomfortable position and I ate this brownie...

One of the famous brownies from your friend?

Yeah.

Uh-oh.

Yeah, I know. So I was stoned all fuckin' day! I even took a two hour nap at one point and woke up stoned and stayed stoned for hours afterward. I mean, fuck, man!

So basically I called in sick and I feel guilty.

Did it seem like a job to you?

No. Why? Did something I say seem that way to you?

"I called in sick."

Oh, that? No, nothing like that. I think that phrase, for me, has to do with the guilt of possibly letting someone down.

You know what I think?

No. What?

I think you're making too much out of this. You're blowing it all out of proportion.

I know.

Are you going over there tomorrow?

Yes. I'm going earlier, in fact, and I'm thinking I could do stuff with their niece so they have some time to do whatever they need to do. My brother said that a friend of their did that today for, like, three hours, and that it was great for them.

So I'm thinking maybe I'll take my niece for a movie or something and then we can go to the store and buy stuff for supper. And then we'll make supper together, so her parents don't have to cook.

I don't think you have to worry, farmboy.

Really?

Farmboy, I've gotten to know you. And one thing I know about you is that you feel guilty about everything.

I know. It should have been my major in college. I've made an art out of feeling guilty.

And where has that got you?

I know, man. But what if I really am guilty of these...

Sins?

Maybe.

You talked about scrupulosity before, remember?

Yeah. The OCD thing with religion. I told you about that.

Yes.

So, for right now, just let yourself off the hook.

What if I can't?

(frustrated) Look, you just try and quit making excuses and give yourself a fucking break.

(quietly) You're mad at me. I'm sorry.

(sighs) Farmboy, you're kind of escalating right now. Take a deep breath. Don't forget to breathe. Calm down. I'm not mad at you, I just want you to feel better.

So you yell at me?

Farmboy, you've got to let me be human. I'm going to make mistakes, I'm going to get frustrated, I'm going to be tired sometimes. But you've got to know that I'm here for a reason, and -- seriously, now -- you're my friend and I love you.

Really?

Yes, farmboy.

I love you, too, you know. You don't know how much you've helped me sometimes.

This is getting schmaltzy.

I've noticed. That's okay.

When are you going to tell me all that stuff you can't tell me?

(laughs) I can't tell you.

(laughs) Motherfuckin' sonovabitch, man.